First among equals – Andreas Derleth from New Zealand won the Mr Gay World title in South Africa last year.
In April last year in Johannesburg South-Africa, the German-born, 32-year-old Andreas Derleth represented his current home of New Zealand and won the title of Mr Gay World 2012.
Over a year has passed, and this summer he will hand over the title to someone else. Close to the finish line as the world’s Mr Gay, we sat down with Andy and asked him about the time gone by.
– Has the title as Mr Gay World changed you in any way? Has it influenced your life?
– According to my friends and family it has not changed me. I am humbled by the positive impact one can have in such a role. It has been a busy year with more than 70 interviews so far and a daily average of 15 FB mails from people I don’t know yet with inquiries ranging from plain pick-up lines over interview requests to counseling dialogue.
Remarkably from all over the world, questions are coming from young gays who are not out, lonely and scared, not knowing what to do. It is the most rewarding part to be a friend and distant supporter in these cases. I am still very thankful to my dear friend Jean who did the same thing for me. Big thanks also to my friend Timothy who gave me a bit of training on counselling.
– So far, as Mr Gay World, what is the most important thing you have learned or experienced?
– A lot of travelling is involved and seeing more parts of the world are of course fantastic. Experiencing different cultures and support gay rights around the globe is a great privilege. I’d like to thank Eric and the other directors from Mr Gay World Ltd. for making this possible. The amount of media exposure with the opportunity of educational impact one has with this is immense. Fostering tolerance and acceptance of the GLBTI community is the main goal.
– How do you think an event like Mr Gay World can have a positive impact?
– It is an interesting large scale event, attracting all people, not just GLBTI community. In that sense the gay community is providing an enjoyable stage performance for the wider community to enjoy while putting them in touch with a world that might be unknown and to them.
The positive effect this might have, like big gay prides is not to be underestimated. In addition the media coverage portraying positive image of gay men, highlighting problems, showing the life as a gay man no less good as a straight man’s all contribute to improvements and closeted gay guys to gain confidence.
– Why does the world need a Mr Gay competition?
For the above reasons, to make it a better place for all people.
– The weight of a Mr Gay World title is different in different countries, some think the title is just a fun thing to put on your Facebook page, others believe it can really make a change – what is really the essence of the title in this respect?
– It is hard to measure the overall impact of my media work and I have no data or feedback on the reach. Individual feedback was and is very appreciative. Email and FB correspondences are very positive, beneficial and I found those to be the most rewarding part of my work.
– What is the most remarkable thing you have experienced as Mr Gay World?
– The potential to initiate change with this role.
– If you were given the world’s full attention and you had 15 minutes to talk to the young gay men and women of the world, what would you tell them?
– If they are not out then: It gets better. Don’t give up hope. Use social/chat/dating media, helplines and youth groups to find one or few trusted gay friends. Use caution though to not find false friends that want to be with you for wrong reasons.
Take your time, real friendships don’t grow overnight, trust is earned bit by bit. Go for real friends first, they last usually longer than first love and you need them if the latter turns sour. Being in the closet are difficult times especially while still dependent, sometimes very sad times, however don’t let this get you down, focus on your education and physical well-being, those are the cornerstones to make you independent and happy. Work hard, play hard – and do so safely always!
Depending on your situation you are the only person who can decide when the right time for your coming out is. If and when you do so, have patience, be kind and calm with your parents/guardians/family/friends if or when coming out, emotional intelligence will tell you that it might be as hard for them to adapt and accept as it might be for yourself. If/when you decide to come out, hope for the best (open arms, love and support), but prepare for the worst (fears about HIV, drugs, religious concerns). Think about, how the conversation could go and be prepared. No matter what happens, it always gets better!
– At the beginning of your reign you took some heat from the gay media because of some comments you made on feminine men- when you see this in retrospect – do you understand the reactions?
– I learnt two things: Firstly I should not have used a colloquial term that was easy to take out of on text and secondly that you cannot shield yourself against bitter bloggers who love to take a comment out of context to have something to rant about and be outraged about. Just like some people who are not accepting you as gay and creating artificial untrue drama, those bloggers are not worth my time and attention. I learnt to be unaffected by unjustified criticism from bad people who neither know me nor do proper journalism work – something anybody in the public spotlight needs to learn!
– Tell us more about Mr Gay World 2012 – who is he? Who is the man behind the title? Tell us a secret…
– I’m a simple guy, like more outdoors, sport and hanging out with friends rather than party all night and sleep at day time. I lead a healthy live; no drugs, sport and look after myself and most importantly keep what I promise.
I love travelling to new places. I have a great job, with awesome work mates working at a truly supportive employer: Thanks to The Warehouse Group and in particular Warehouse Stationery for granting leave for my extensive international travel, often on short notice.
– You have been very open with the fact that you at some point in your life almost decided to end it all. What happened and what made you change your mind and fight on?
– The hope that there must be a place for me in this world. That it must be getting better. So as I said before, please do not make the same mistake as I did and hide for too long. There are ways of getting touch with other people who are in the same situation.
If you are parent, guardian I ask you to actively let your children know that you will always support and love them; especially mentioning no matter if they love a boy or a girl. Why? The answer is because a gay child can feel very lonely in a straight family. There are many resources on the internet on how to do it and how to react and support your offspring if they are gay.
– How was your coming out experience?
– My coming out experience was interesting. Part of my family accepted it right away; the other part thought I can be “fixed”. By now almost all are fine with me being gay and are also accepting my partner as family. My friends reacted very well, too. I only lost a handful of friends, but the real friends did not move on but stayed and supported.
– What are your personal dreams for the future?
– I watch with great concern what is happening in Russia these days. Slow progress in gay and human rights in many countries is bad enough but seeing a big nation like Russia falling back into the mid-ages, allowing witch-hunt like scenes targeting the GLBTI community happen is appalling.
I will be in Russia in August just after passing on my duties to the next Mr Gay World, but will still try to make a difference. I am thinking about what I could do, I am getting in touch with local groups and I will need support to make a difference there.
– As Mr Gay World you are a role model and an idol for many people. Who are your role models? Is there a person –gay or straight – that you look up to?
– I pick and choose inspiration from anybody. There is no perfect individual. In every encounter with a new person I discover ideas and things they are great at. Each of us has talents, strengths and admirable characteristics.
– How has the title influenced your relationship with your partner since 2012?
– No changes, apart from having a bit less time for each other, but we make this little time just count even more. I’m lucky to have Tom. The thing I cherish most is the supportive loving no drama character of our relationship.
From what I see anywhere in the world, relationship problems always arise from expectation, wanting to control the partner, being lazy, not contributing and jealousy. It seems a better way is to give freedom, contribute, let your partner know what you would like him to do or not, but leaving the decision with him. In general the wish to control the personal life of others is a source of great misery, like we see with some religions or the irrational opposition to giving equal (marriage) rights.
– What could you say is a typical gay man of today?
– A typical gay man likes other men. Everything else is down to the individual. You can choose which (gay) stereotype you want to settle in – if any.
– What is – in your opinion – the most important gay issue we should be dealing with?
– We need more presence and visibility in countries with a lack of gay and human rights to educate and erase stereotypes. China, Middle East, Africa and Russia spring to mind.
5 seconds at the end
What was the last book you read?
The Age of Absurdity by Michael Foley
What was the last movie you watched?
Into Darkness
What is your favourite holiday destination?
A place I haven’t been yet
You are inviting five persons to dinner (alive or dead, real or imaginary), who would you invite?)
Leaders of anti-gay religions, organisations or countries.
What till now has been your favourite moment in life?
When I accepted myself as gay and found gay friends, all of a sudden life was wonderful!
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